I love that zero relationships are made stronger through conflict in avatar the last airbender. War and oppression only serve to tear relationships apart in the show. I’ve already read some great pieces on the show’s depiction of colonial family dynamics. But the friendships and romances reflect it, too. There are no brothers in arms, no romances ignited because someone is leaving tomorrow for the battlefront.
As far as romantic relationships: Sokka loses Yue and twice has to leave Suki for their duty to the greater good. Katara is too overwhelmed with the conflict to invest in a relationship with Aang, and her first romantic feelings towards a boy are transformed into betrayal when Jet lies to her in his pursuit of justice. And even Zuko twice leaves Mai to pursue his “destiny.” And that’s just the kids. The adults are similarly submerged in devastated romance. We see so many single parents throughout the series. Many have lost their partner to the fire nation army. Some have incarcerated partners like Haru’s mother. Enlistment separates partners, too. And even the most dominating force in the world, Firelord Ozai, loses his partner in his desire for power.
Friendships are similarly prevented from blossoming within a culture of domination. Azula is the most evident example, with her friendships founded on obedience rather than mutual affection blowing up in her face. Zuko, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to have any friends. Those oppressed by the fire nation establish their friendships in moments of safety, when the threat of violence is temporarily absent. “Do you want to go penguin sledding with me?” That’s the beginning of a friendship. They do not become friends fighting together. That is allyship. Look at The Blue Spirit. Zuko and Aang can fight together for a common cause, but this is not the shape of friendship. Even relationships between different marginalized groups are fraught with tensions founded in the imperial violence they’ve confronted. When Aang visits the Northern Air Temple, he is distraught over the desecration of the temple by the earth kingdom refugees. The violence they’ve each faced puts them in conflict with one another rather than providing a possible sense of kinship. It’s even more complicated when it comes to befriending across the lines of the oppressor and oppressed. Despite their affinity for one another and aligned goals, Zuko and Aang cannot truly establish their friendship until the system of domination is eliminated. Friendship is a dynamic between equals, and ATLA asks whether you can actually be friends across these lines if society refuses to be equitable. Friendships and romance depend not on conflict to deepen them but an active peacefulness.
When people talk about Avatar writing relationships poorly, I think maybe consider that the relationships weren’t actually supposed to be building up in any kind of traditional way in the show. I think ATLA was precisely focused on relationships being broken and sometimes even empty because of conflict. It’s only the last episode that’s meant to show the beginnings of things, the consummation of hope. For the first time there’s the possibility for these relationships to mean something rather than almost inevitably ending in tragedy.
“Let no one mistake us for the fruit of violence—but that violence, having passed through us, failed to spoil us.” —Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous
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